This blog entry is about love. I don't mean the love that shocks and overwhelms us as we stare at our newborn child, immediately and eternally taken. I don't, either, mean the love you embark on when you mutter the words "I do" and consequently a lifetime of give and take.
I am talking about the love that all of a sudden is just THERE. The kind where you realize that love has become the dominant emotion you feel for someone. The kind I feel right now, and it makes me so very sad.
There are people in life that are givers- nurturing by nature and then often also by profession. A good match, and my friend is one of them. And as much as I myself often care, I really just don't always feel that way about people. I love them, but when they need more than I am willing to give, because my own life to me is oh so difficult, I kind of just give up, hoping things work out. I hate, hate that about me. Did I mention I hate this?
So, the other day when my *friend* announced to me that she had breast cancer, it took my breath away. I had to consciously remind myself to breathe. I worried at first, that the fear I felt would be due to the fact that I did not know how these news would affect me.You know, ME. But, it didn't. My heart just opened and sat there for the taking.
And I sit here and I cry. I have thoughts of her family and her fears and I want to TAKE some of them and share in this pain with her, because she shouldn't have to go through this. I can take so much, I want to take one for her or take ten for her. K, I would do that for you if I could.
This is a very short and hastily written entry, because tomorrow I will see her and then I don't know when I will see her again, and I just want her to know, or to feel, that she is NOT out there alone, at all.
She told me the other day about how she had a premonition of sorts, where she dreamt about going up the Lake Mead/215 ramp and how she saw what she dubbed a Beast on top, and she knew he meant her harm. The next day she received the test results. I hadn't thought about this dream much until I happened to be on that same road yesterday. And I looked up, looking for the Beast and I kind of felt an erie presence. And I thought "You are not alone facing this, K" and realized that there were no cars ahead of me, or anywhere in sight. I kind of looked over my shoulders and thought: "Yeah, WHERE is everyone? Aren't you guys out there, willing to stand up to this evil?", and just as I thought this cars on the left and the right just swooshed by me and OWNED that ramp, in the most colorful glory of rainbow colors. And I felt it was the army of supporters of her and all those suffering this ugly disease.
Will you, please, join me in loving her?
