1. "The Spelling Bee is great exposure for kids who want to grow up to be professional spellers"
Brilliant, if I dare say so myself. Watching the national spelling bee and my kids are cringing. You know, they were totally able to keep up when the words were "dog" , but then when the words became ridiculous, you know, like "diverse" and "complete", I was looking for some way for them not to feel inadequate. And that amazing quote just popped into my head. Because, really- why would you ever need to know how to spell once you grow up. Duh. That's not even a job.
2. "You'll be truant and they will learn from it"
So, the man-boy was sick three times this year during school days. And, I let him stay home. The school was all over my voice mail, like constantly, telling me about it. And I was all like, WTH, I should be telling YOU about it. If I thought it was your business. But, I don't think it is. This is no 1984. I recognize the script to a George Orwell book when I see one. So- heck no. They were like, then he's truant and I'm all like, no, he's not. And he's all like mom, please just sign this. And I'm all like no, it's a matter of principle. And then they're like, it's going on his record and I'm all like, he's not going to be in MS anymore next year Suckers. and then they were like, well he's up for a sweet award and then I was like, FINE, I'll excuse him, and then I waved the white flag and went to the office and she smiled at me a little smugly and said she couldn't take it off his records anymore, it was just too late, And then she proceeded to tell me that it didn't matter for the awards or anything for that matter and smiled at me and I knew I had just been duped and she won that flipping 7-month battle just like that.
3. "You can be anything you want to be, just not a worker at McDonald's"
Do you ever feel frustrated about your kids just not working at their fullest potential? I've invited them to become Fast Food workers. But, not at McDonald's, because I put my foot down. That place is just way way unhealthy. I've suggested Jack in the Box, they make their burgers fresh, like when the people order them, and I figured being around aromatic real food smells would be inspiring to my oldest kid who as a junior in HS weighs 115 pounds. He said he preferred the taste of Taco Bell, and I had to remind him of the study that I showed him that said that they only cooked horse meat. And he reminded me of how I always talk about how when we lived in Chile people would eat horse meat, and I don't really know where he's going with that. I told him he could be a manager at Jack in the Box, and he should accept that and be happy. He smiled and walked away. See, people always see that I am right eventually....
4. "Maybe I didn't walk barefoot through the snow, but barefoot on the burning cement is no sugar licking either"
That was super smart, they totally forgot that I lived in snowy Canada as a kid, and snow and cold would really have no meaning to them, as they have barely ever experienced it. So, I re-wrote my history and have been telling them about how I used to walk barefoot through the whole hot hot city, just so I could buy my mom chewing gum. Granted, she didn't chew gum, but how would they know. They suggested I use the car, and I was all like, dudes, this is history I am talking about. Like, not me. You could totally substitute other stuff in there, like brussel sprouts, or a book, or fire wood, or milk, or Dentyne gum. Jeez, whatever. I will drive the 200 feet myself, Jerks.
5. "A cat is only a cat if you let it be a cat"
Let that one sink in. How deeply profound is this? A cat can be moody and selfish and what do we do? Feel inferior because of it? Get mad and totally pissed off because when we walk into the room and YELL "ALICIA" she won't even look your way? Holler and clap our hands and throw full plastic bags across the room trying to make as much noise as possible and she won't even turn her head? Who are we letting win here? The cat? WTH? Don't give her this type of power over you. Show her who's boss. Buy a fake stuffed cat that looks totally life-like and coo and aww at that fake one in the other room. Shower that one, we shall name him PJ, with love, attention, food, caring. See who feels dumb now.....
So, this is my first list of FIVE inspirational quotes I have for you. Take them for what they are- incredibly insightful advice- and live a better life. YOU are worth it. Have a FANTASTIC day.
