Did you read my title? Are you convinced I am a fool? Well, I am.
It was my turn to garden with the 5-year-olds, and the weather was still wintry so I didn't want to start planting. When cleaning up in the garage I had found a Garden Yoga game I had bought a while ago, so logically I decided I was going to do yoga. Logically.
First inclination that there might be trouble? Literally, my first inclination: When I was lining up my first group of 5 children and Miss Amy said: "I didn't know you do yoga?" And I said: "Well, I don't really." And THEN she said: "Oh, you just read a book or something?" And I thought: "OH MY GOD--I DIDN'T EVEN READ A BOOK."
But, it was too late. Anxious faces were pressing to the door, and out we went. And, as my life would have it, the spot we chose was in front of the school on a sunny patch of grass, while the older elementary kids had just started their recess. Yes. 60 people. Soon to be my audience.
I had grabbed a bunch of bathroom rugs at the store on the way over- I am proud to tell you that I knew that we would need "yoga mats". Well, I was back to feeling confident. How hard could it be with a bunch of little kids?
To give you an idea, this is what I envisioned things would look like:
 |
| As long as I'm fantasizing, I'll throw in a a lake, forest and tepee. |
My projected abilities:
| As long as I am fantasizing- I'll take her body, too. |
Come to find out, yoga is much more difficult than anticipated. We tried the owl, bamboo, dog, cat, snake, frog, and probably many more. My pain started clouding my mind. I started going in an out of consciousness, started to feel strangely removed. I have foggy memories of Miss Amy coming out and taking pictures- for evidence? WTH? Upon my insistent questioning I got one (ONE) boy to tell me that indeed doing the owl produced a bit of pain. I think he felt sorry for me.
After, as I lay there half dead on the ground, they asked if they should go back inside and get the other group and I foggily registered that this had been only my first of 5 groups. I crawled back to the door for my next excited group. I contemplated getting my hat out of the car, so the recess teachers would not recognize me. I thought about forbidding the kids to say my name out loud. I considered faking death.
My crawling became slower and more labored with each group. My actual yoga, unfortunately, looked more like this:
I plastered on a smile, brought the last group back, grabbed Gigi out of class early, picked up the rest of the kids and went home. Got myself comfortable on the sofa. Across the whole sofa. Flat. I don't know the last time I sat down in the afternoon at home. I don't think ever. Definitely not on the sofa. Everyone seemed utterly confused.
My kids and Danielle congregated around me. Lots of laptops. I must have been quite the sight, because everyone started showing me bloopers to cheer me up. I don't know why bloopers. Maybe bloopers make them think about me. My life: one huge blooper :) In the meantime, I think I am done with yoga for a while. Namaste.
