I am a Master. Of Something.

I have a Master's Degree. Ha! Shocked you, didn't I? Well, it really has little to do with what I wanted to talk about, but I thought I'd have your full attention at the beginning of the post. Anyways. I feel like bringing that up every once in a while because of the things I do.

Me, Pre-Blonde, accepting my degree

See, apparently I am also a "Blonde"- because people say I have many of those moments, and it took me a while, culturally, to understand what the inference is. I have since dyed my hair blonde because while I was still figuring things out I was busy telling people: "No, I am brunette...See (here I would invariably grab my hair), it's BROWN." Since they so desperately seemed to want me blonde I dyed it.  I've also grown accustomed to chuckle about my "issue" (whatever it may be at any given day) and reference my hair, and it would not have the same effect if I said: "Ohh, I am having a brown moment." People would probably stare at my pants and wonder if I had an accident again.

Personally, this is the type of person I identify with the most.

Getting my Master's Degree in Liberal Arts is pretty cool, because now I can say I "mastered" the Arts. Right? Pretty much, I have acquired mastery level in anything having to the with Arts. That is pretty cool, and I feel fairly genius-sy (and as such I'm allowed to make up words).

When I was asked to join the Master's Swim Class in Boulder City I was severely honored. I have only been training for 3 months, and they apparently believed that I already had approached mastery of swimming. Life was being handed to me too easily. I eagerly accepted. Though nervous, I knew they wouldn't lie to me about my abilities.

This should be me, in about three months



A month into this swim class I wonder if they paired me up with "Doug" on purpose. Maybe they are sneakily attempting murder. He is younger than me and better than me. I will let you in on a little secret- he looks sort of like this:

My lane partner, "Doug"


I believe that the other day, when trying to keep up with him I suffered an aneurysm. They should not put an out-of-shape, ridiculously competitive person with the above guy. I was trying so so so so hard to keep up with him yesterday, that at some point something sort of popped in my head and all I could see was stars and I registered that half the pool's water was in my head and mouth and nose, and that at the very least I was going to drown. But, nobody seemed to care-everyone was busy swimming.

I felt  that I had no choice but to punish him and all the other swimmers. I pretended to have finished 12 laps when really it must have been like 6 or 7. Yes, dear people, that put me in first place. Remember, I was too busy aneurysm-ing to count, so it could have feasibly been true.


PS: My kid's depiction of what I REALLY look like while swimming. What the...???




I'm NOT drowning, dang it. I like to sing while I swim. And dance.