When we first met, he was just a young guy. It was a difficult day in his life. His former friend had decided that he was too difficult to deal with and didn't want to do it anymore. That guy decided they should part ways. It was that very same day that I happened to walk through the Tucson, Arizona Animal Shelter and there he was. A hyper, blond little boy, soaking wet from the recent shower he had received as they had admitted him.
"Ugh," said DH (at this point still my DBF) "that guy is annoying."
But he wasn't. He was cold and wet and really really confused. He was probably waiting for his former friend to come back and pick him back up. He was waiting to hear the name "Barkley!" yelled in that familiar voice. But, as life would have it, he was never called that again in his life.Nor did he see his old friend again.
He came home with us that day and I decided immediately that I wanted no connection to his old life, that we would show him a much better life. He was a little crazy, so we decided he would go by "Freddie" after Freddy Krueger. Because this guy was kind of scary and unpredictable and it was also great fun standing in the tiny dusty yard in Tucson, yelling: "Freddie!"
Freddie WAS a hyper guy. When he got mad he would tear up the flowers in the back yard. When I in response locked him in the hallway while in Grad School class he tore up the baseboards. When I locked him outside I came upon him one day, standing on the patio table, ripping up the table cloth. When I had Mono that summer I watched helplessly as he stood in front of my bed, peeing straight into my shoe, right next to the open patio door.
He was there when DB proposed, when I graduated Grad School, when we got married, when we moved to Las Vegas for our first real jobs. He patiently dealt with numerous friends that came and went over the years. He begrudgingly allowed me to have 1, then 2, then 3, then 4 kids. He has been their protector for me. He lived a good Alpha Dog life.
A few years ago he started going from elderly to old. He has trouble walking and almost lost the battle with pneumonia last summer. He spends most of his days laying next to my bed, sleeping. Sometimes he comes wandering downstairs, making the rounds from water bowl, to food bowl to doggie door and then back up the stairs.
He has been deaf for a long time now, which has made it somewhat more difficult to deal with him. When he gets startled he gets mean. It's because he feels defenseless but not everyone gets that. I try to make excuses for him, but sometimes he gets into fights with the other dogs over this. The Alpha Dog position has been up for grabs.
Freddie is now also blind. He walks through the house counting on his unbelievable sense of smell. He comes downstairs and SMELLS for me. I try to wave my arms and clothes around to send a whiff of "me" his way. He always finds me. He nuzzles his head into my legs and lets me know he is there.
In recent days Freddie has taken a turn for the very worse. He coughs a lot. His bladder let loose the other night and I quietly cleaned up the mess. He isn't eating much of anything anymore. I brought him McDonald's chicken nuggets for dinner tonight- he ate those. Otherwise he is skeletal. Some days he does not move from next to my bed all day. When I come home and go upstairs looking for him I hold my breath as I look for his chest, to see if it is moving up and down.
We made him a special day, just for him. Yesterday. We took him in the car, which he used to love, but now I had to lift him up, and drove to McDonald's. We got him 2 hamburgers, which he scarfed down as soon as we got to the park. After, we took a leisurely walk to the duck pond, which he used to love but now couldn't see the ducks or hear them to chase after them. I made the kids yell and holler at them in lieu, but then fed them the rest of the french fries because the ducks and other people there didn't quite get us. We then walked over to the water park, which was a little far, so I carried him the rest of the way. He used to be so heavy. He gingerly walked to the sprinkling water but did not seem to like getting wet. The kids ran around while he settled nicely into sitting down and "watching". I know he loved it. He was smiling. We frequently fed him Puperoni, which he loved before and loved still.
I know I have to take him to the vet this coming week. I am scared out of my mind of doing this. There is no one left in 2011 who understands the bond the two of us share. I, for the first time in a long time, am at a loss of what to do.
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| This is the last picture I took that day. I believe he is ready to go. |
