Me: "Hey, Danielle!"
Nanny: "What do you want?" (looks up from doing homework with the kids)
Me: "Umm, seriously- a little respect here..." (annoyed)
Nanny: "What do you want, Miss?" (rolls eyes)
Me: "Omg, you are stupid."
Nanny: "And you wonder..."
Me: "I've decided on a new career path."
Nanny: "Yeah, what's that? Somelier? Make your problem into a career?"
Me: "No, but that IS another good idea. However, I have decided to become a personal trainer."
Incredulous quiet. Not a word is spoken for a good 30 seconds.
Me: "Why are you not saying anything?"
Nanny: "Because I have a feeling you are being serious...." (looks scared)
Me: "I AM being serious."
Nanny: "Wouldn't you have to EXERCISE in order to know something about training other people?"
Me: "Not necessarily....AND, I do swim 2 miles multiple times a week....AND, that guy asked me if I wasn't
SURE that I hadn't been a collegiate swimmer again the other day."
Nanny: "That just shows you the type of people he deals with on a regular basis."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Nanny: "He thinks you would have changed your opinion about whether or not you had been a collegiate swimmer from one day to another? He is used to dealing with senile people. HE is probably senile."
Me: "I'm glad you brought that up....I would like to specialize in the elderly. And teens. And moms.
Nanny: "So, the general population...?"
Me: "I guess so."
Nanny: "Are YOU senile?"
Me: "No, jerk."
Nanny: "Did you hit your head?"
Me: "Shut up. You should do it with me. You could be the "good" cop/trainer, I would be the bad cop. I could yell: Get off your fat ass!"
Nanny: "....and I would say: You are so pretty???"
Me: "Something like that."
Nanny: "You just want to be a bad cop..."
Me: "No, but I WOULD like to be part of the movie "The Good Guys". Specifically, I would like to hang out with Mark Wahlberg..."
Nanny: "That movie is dumb......Oh, I get it- great movie, Iraina.... Want to hang out with cute trainers? Watch a movie..."
Me: "Jerk. You could lead kayaking expeditions....."
Nanny: "I like kayaking....."
Me: "Yes. And I thought of the ultimate money maker-- as an exercise we make our clients help people move. They pay us for the class and the people moving pay us to move them= kaching!"
Nanny: "No. That's idiotic."
Me: "Your face is idiotic."
Nanny: "What about exercise equipment?"
Me: "Stop changing the subject. I really want to explore the moving business some more."
Nanny: "It's a stupid idea."
Me: "Why are you so bitter? I'd be willing to share my profits with you...."
Nanny: "OMG, can we change the subject? And besides, how would you find these people in need of moving?"
Me: "Umm, we would advertise our services separately...."
Nanny: "And how would your idea of opening a 'Gigi's Cupcakes' work into this?"
Me: "Easy, we would put it next door, under someone else's name...They eat the cupcakes, feel guilty and then come to us to whip them back into shape. I think this is brilliant."
Nanny: "O M G."
Me: "Also, we could take before and after pictures of the kids...."
Nanny: "The kids are athletic as is..."
Me: "I know, I thought about that, too.....We could STUFF them for a year, then take the before and after
pictures in reverse."
Nanny: "Sometimes I feel like I need to leave. You scare me. I feel like I am wasting my mind with you right now."
Me: "You will see who has the last laugh! I am going to patent this right now...."
Nanny: "You do that. I will finish the homework with the kids. (under her breath: "I am sorry for you, kids.")
