Personally, I thought my thighs were pretty sweet with all the butterfly kicking I've been doing in the pool, but I received a blow to my self esteem in form of having an innocent conversation with Maria. Maria is not the brightest star in the sky, but she generally makes up for it in heart. Like: "I am sorry I gave Gigi five chocolate bars for lunch, but she asked so politely". She has also said stuff like: "I didn't breastfeed Kayla, I splurged on the expensive formula instead. Nothing but the best for my child." She also bought a Kia Sephia with monthly payments of $500. She bought a mobile home with a $2,000 monthly mortgage. I told her she could no longer make life decisions without my input.
According to Deanna she is also a horrible housekeeper. Ummm, there is no denying. Sometimes I clean along with her, sometimes I let it be, but I'll keep her around as long as she depends on our income. Coincidentally, is anyone looking for a housekeeper?
That's how I came to be folding laundry the other day. I DIDN'T feel like helping and that way I could be watching the kids play the Wii and also feel productive at the same time. She insisted on helping me.
This is our conversation, verbatim. Except that it was in Spanish only.
Maria, eyeing the tags in my pants: Wow, Irene. (English: Wow, Iraina)
Me: ¿Qué? (English: What?)
Maria: ¿Ahora lleva el tamaño 12? (English: You now wear size 4?)
Me: Sí. (Yes)
Maria: Y con las piernas tan gorditas (...and that with your fat little legs....)
Me: ¿Huh? (Huh?)
Maria: Yo también llevo ese tamaño. (I wear that same size.)
Me: ¿Y? (And...?)
Maria: Bueno, Irene- perdió much peso.... (Well, Iraina, you lost a lot of weight.)
Me: Claro, me ha visto comer cosas ridículas en los últimos meses.... (Well, yeah, you've seen me eat ridiculous food the past few months)
Maria: Y....¿cómo le queda esa ropa, con las piernas tan gordas? (And how do you fit into those clothes, with legs that fat?)
Me: Me queda bien.... (Quite well, thanks...)
Maria: Yo quisiera piernas gordas, como las tiene usted. (I wish I had fat legs like you)
 |
| Iraina Balmer: OK, now I am super paranoid. These are fine, aren't they??? |
Me: Uhh, ¿gracias? (Umm, thanks?)
Maria: Me enojan mis piernas tan flacas. (I hate my skinny legs)
Me: Hmm (Hmmm)
Maria: Y Gigi- ¿también va a tener piernas gordas, como ústed? (Do you think Gigi will have legs just as fat as yours?
Me: Umm, me imagino que serán como las mias... (Umm, I imagine they will be like mine...)
Maria: Y su esposo, ¿también tiene las piernas tan gordas? (And your husband- does he have fat legs like you?)
Maria: Me di cuenta que Thorsten las tiene gordas también. (I have noticed that Thorsten has fat ones, also)
Me: Umm son como los mios, si las piensa gordas... (Umm, they are like mine, if you consider those fat...)
Maria: My pobre hija Kayla, tiene las piernas como las mias, flaquíssimas... (MY poor daughter has them super skinny, like me)
Me: Eso le gusta a la gente aquí. (People here like that)
Maria: ¿QUÉ? Qué me dice? (What? What are you saying?)
Me: Bueno, eso es lo que les gusta a los Americanos. Gente bien flaca. (That's what Americans like- people who are really skinny.)
Maria: No, en Mexico no. Es lo contrario. Usted podría ser un supermodelo. (No, not in Mexico. It's the opposite. You could be a supermodel.)
And with that the question is answered as to why I keep Maria around....
